What is love?

After spending much time reflecting lately on what love is, I have come to the realization that love is more about actions than it is about words. I know that there have been love songs explaining this, in rhythmic poetry, but to actually experience it first hand is illuminating.

Today I went to my matrimonial house to get the remaining personal items and take them to my new domicile.  Upon searching through the home for my items, I came across some that were not mine, but they were items that belonged to another woman. I have been out of the house for approximately two months and realized just how little love my ex had for me. He was prepared to invite someone else into our house in a highly committed way. It dawned on me how little he is dealing with his feelings over our separation and how this is incredibly detrimental to him. He drank the wine that was given at our wedding as anniversary milestones with another woman. I worry that he will not fully appreciate the healing process. I hope that in the future he can be happy. I hope that he can learn to move on in the right way. But that's my past.

I am looking to the future, hoping that through my therapy and self-reflection that I can trust myself and truly love myself so that I can be one with myself. Knowing this journey helps me to realize that love will come again to me, but that when it does I won't feel the need to hide myself from the relationship just in order to keep it. I know that I will be myself and know that I am an incredible human being who has the power to love and be loved.

I feel this in a whole new way. I feel that if I continue this process that I will become a person who cherishes life and lives based on what I believe is right and true.

I feel calmer now than I did before. It was an absolute shock to me, but one that reinforced my decision to leave him. Being in love isn't how long you've been with someone. Being in love has more to do with how you feel and how your feelings are shown. Instead of staying with someone hurtful, I had the courage to leave him. It lifted a huge weight of resentment and self-loathing off of my soul and made me appreciate just how talented and wonderful I am as a person.

I have more time for me, my friends, my career and what my plans are for the future. I know now that sometimes there are difficult decisions to be made, but love is something that cannot be talked about or explained. It is through feelings and emotions that true love enters one's soul and illuminates your sense of wonder.