You

I'm ready to try and understand how to explain it all to you, so that at the very least you will have a fuller understanding of everything.

The other night Tim sent me a text asking me if I wanted another recliner, including they he understood I didn't want to text/talk to him. Part way through the night my phone died and my tablet was on low. I believed that I had left my chargers at school/in my car/in my overnight bag from your house which was in the trunk of my car - later found out it was at your place.

I went online to facebook and saw that Tim was online and asked him if he had a charger. He said yes, and I was panicking (seriously cannot be late, no car, nothing nearby that's open, no one still awake/able to contact). He brought the charger over and I tested it to make sure it worked. After it had charged for a bit, I turned the phone on and found the messages from you. I sent you the text in a rush, as a sign to Tim that I was grateful for his charger, but that it was now time for him to leave. He took the hint and left, and I told him that I'd get it to him/drop it off at his parents' place once I got mine back.

Once I had my chargers back in my possession I sent Tim a text to make sure that he'd be at his parents place if I dropped it off at his house. He said I could text him and he'd come out to get it or I could leave it in the mailbox. I sent him a text after I had left it in the mailbox and thanked him again for letting me borrow it. He took the hint, and after a few Merry Christmas texts we stopped talking.

I realize now that his motives are based on a romantic not platonic intention and despite making myself clear previously. I reminded him that it's too soon after our relationship to text and be friends. I also explained that I have strong feelings for you.

I'm doing a lot better after seeing Isidora, giving her mom her Christmas card, helping my mom out, getting my online presents earlier than expected. I know I need to talk to you, and I really want to work on opening up to you earlier so that it doesn't drag out. I'm learning to use my voice again, as I'm used to being belittled during any kind of explanation (from previous relationships).

I started to keep a list of things I wanted to tell you about that I noticed throughout my day or that reminded me of you. It lasted about five seconds and then I realized that I would just have to wait to tell you when I saw you, as I'm unsure of how my texts are being received.

I trust that this makes sense, and please if you have anything further you want to inquire about I will do my best to put it into words.

Thank you

Best Friend Code, Part One

When you and another person agree to be "Best Friends" there are a few terms and conditions which you must be ready, willing and able to fulfill as said " Best Friend", henceforth referred to simply as "BF". From this point onward the two (or more) parties agree that you will maintain and uphold certain responsibilities. When one or more of the parties terminates the BF agreement, the terms of the friendship must still be upheld even after the date of termination, unless there's some law/moral/good reason for not doing it (explained at a later date).

...but really, you don't use information about your former BF (fBF) against them unless it is to genuinely help them.

Example:

The partner of your fBF asks you questions about your fBF. The partner has absolutely no reason, no right, and frankly, I'm a bit upset that the partner was so callous to think that I'd do that to my fBF. That's not how I live my life.

I responded with a number of messages further detailing the above paragraph to the partner of my fBF. I told the partner that I was no longer in contact with my fBF and that no further contact was necessary from this point forward. 

Take the high ground. Think about how you would want to be treated. Live accordingly. 

I am so happy........

The following lyrics explain the feeling surging through my body:

I want every piece of me to crash into every piece of you,

I swear to God that's how they make stars.

I know.

Read more: Mary Lambert - Sarasvati Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Thank you, for making me feel alive and ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of.