Please stop this feeling, I can't take it anymore.

It's not funny anymore and I don't want to do this anymore.

I'm sick of talking to everyone, I'm sick of being nothing to nobody.

The only somebody that I am is to a husband I don't communicate with, I don't see, I don't love. And I am powered by love.

And I'm sick of this fake shit. this shit that people say they have for me. I yearn to be loved. To be hugged, and kissed, and touched, and wanted, and admired, and.........

Now I can't stop crying. Fuck I'm so done.

That's enough now

I've had enough of this feeling, this void that cannot possibly be filled. What happens when he comes home? Is that not the question that plagues and haunts me at all hours of the day and night? Does he exist anymore? It's hard to tell. I could never fathom my life without him, and now that he's been gone so long, how will I be able to live with him again?

It's all so complicated and there is literally no one who understands. At all.

I understand my husband's choices. I respect them. I'm done doing the understanding and respecting. Enough is enough. I don't want to do this anymore, this fucking limbo that consumes me.

All I do is wait. I wait for him to come home. I wait to see his reaction to me. His love. I miss him so much and cannot feel this pain everyday. It's too much to bear.

The doctors gave me meds, and my heart hurts more than ever. I hate this. There is no fix. There is no solution. My surroundings are awful for the way I feel. "He'll be home soon". No he won't. To you, he'll be home soon, to me it's an eternity. That's not something consoling to say to someone. I feel like he doesn't exist, that he never existed, and that the man I love is never coming home. I feel trapped in this fucked up bubble, like the world is happening around me but I'm standing still.

Songbird

Sing, songbird, sing for all to hear.
Let your melody fill the air.

Let them see you, songbird.
Primped and perfect.

Let them gaze into your sickeningly sweet sad eyes
To see yourself drown in your own misery.

Chin up, songbird.
It's not all for naught

You will make others joyful,
In your time of great sorrow.

It's time to lock you up now songbird,
Although your time is not up

You will perch in your cage,
Fly a little here and there

Some of your admirers will visit
Though it's more for them than you

You will grow old and die
Waiting in vain

Let's tie your feet together songbird
Tame you to your cage

Clip your wings so you can't fly
But sing, songbird, sing.

Primp your feathers now songbird,
You can't let your face fall.

You need to be perfect
Practice makes perfect

Songbird, will you make it?
I doubt it.